


Ours Is Not the Reason Why

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-09-19
Updated: 2000-09-19
Packaged: 2019-05-15 15:06:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14792786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Toby ponders what will happen to him as he watches CJ and Danny go through the preliminary stages of their relationship.





	Ours Is Not the Reason Why

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

RATING: G  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. Aaron Sorkin is God. "This I Promise You" is a  
song of N'Sync (please don't kill me, it *is* a sweet song) and does not  
belong to me.  
NOTES: This is a sequel to "Why Can't We?" which got more responses than  
anything else I've written, which shocked me. :) Pleased me also. (HINT HINT)  
WARNING: This is a CJ/Danny story, with subtle, not-going-anywhere traces of  
CJ/Toby, and they're not going anywhere because this is a CJ/Danny story. I'm  
a CJ/Danny fan. DANNY. Hehe. Sorry. That's just how I believe it. I believe  
there is a bond between Toby and CJ, but not *that* strong of a bond.  
SUMMARY: Toby ponders what will happen to him as he watches CJ and Danny go  
through the preliminary stages of their relationship.

DATE: October 18th, 2000  
TIME: 6:42 pm  
LOCATION: The West Wing, The White House, Washington, D.C.

Toby stared at the clock and then at the piles and piles of paperwork on  
his desk. Did it ever end? He wasn't even sure. It was like there was a hole  
in the ceiling leading to some hidden compartment that housed people who  
would watch him, and the moment a certain amount of paper disappeared, they  
would push more out of the hole to land on his desk with a loud thud. That  
had to be it. It was probably the President and Josh who sat up there, just  
snickering and betting on how much weight his desk could take.  
"Hey, Toby. You busy?" Sam asked as he leaned in the door. He did it too.  
He sat up there and pushed files too. Toby stared at Sam incredulously. Was  
he *busy*? Was he ever *not* busy?  
"No, Sam. I'm not. I just couldn't decide which file was the prettiest to  
decorate my desk with, so I chose them all." He retorted sharply. Sam winced  
and nodded before moving into the room. Could this man not get a clue, Toby  
wondered. Perhaps if he was clearer. "Sam. Go away." He added.  
"Right." Sam replied weakly and left. Toby felt a little better but then  
he saw the piles again. He grunted in disgust and turned to look at his  
computer. Maybe if he just found something to concentrate on...  
"Toby?" CJ's voice interrupted *that* thought.  
"What?" He barked. Of all the people he wanted to talk to, she was not  
one of them. In fact, there was *no one* he wanted to talk to.  
"I need your help." CJ said as she moved into the room.  
"Why is everyone interpreting me to say 'Come on in, have a seat.' If you  
want a cookie, Mrs. Landingham has plenty." Toby said sharply, not looking at  
her. CJ frowned.  
"I don't want a cookie. I need your help. Normally when someone comes to  
you asking for help, it's useful not to bite their head off. Something about  
asking for help that sort of leaves that person, I don't know, vulnerable?"  
She retorted. Toby looked at her and then back at his desk, sighing.  
"Sorry. Sorry." He muttered.  
"You apologized." She said in mock amazement.  
"Oh, be quiet." He retorted. She laughed. "What was it you needed help  
with?"  
"I'm going through this thing, and it's been a private thing for a while,  
but now that it's getting more serious, I think that I need to be prepared  
for it to be a not-so-private thing. I know you're going to react to it the  
most so I thought I'd come to you first." CJ explained.  
"Is this about Danny Concannon?" Toby asked. CJ paused in surprise.  
"Yes, he is involved." She admitted.  
"Forget about it." He exclaimed and looked back at his computer. She  
stared at him, aghast.  
"Toby, how can you --" She started.  
"I meant forget about how I may react. Just do what makes you happy, CJ,  
and we'll deal with it. In the meantime, leave me alone." He grumped, still  
not looking back at her. She stared at him still, this time in pure shock.  
"Who are you and what have you done with Toby Ziegler??" She snapped. He  
looked at her in surprise.  
"What? That wasn't what I was supposed to say? Are you ever satisfied,  
Claudia Jean?" He retorted. "You want me to get on your case and say you  
can't see Danny because he's a member of the Press? You'll either get mad at  
me and continue seeing him, or you'll get mad at me and discontinue seeing  
him, in which case you'll mope around the office, still horribly pissed at me  
and miserable the whole time. In the meantime, Danny will be miserable, as  
well he should be, and I don't want to think about the editorials that he  
could write about the 'oppressive government' that is the West Wing? Either  
way--" He ranted. CJ held up a hand.  
"Okay, I get it." She assured him. Then she paused. "Did you say 'as well  
he should be'?" She asked.  
"Huh?" Toby asked, his attention already back on the speech that rested  
on his computer screen.  
"Did you say that if I broke up with Danny, he would be miserable 'as he  
should be'?" She asked again. He looked at her.  
"No, I don't think so. Did I?" He asked casually. "What if I did?" She  
paused again and shrugged.  
"I don't know. I guess... I don't know." She said as she got to her  
feet.  
"Good luck." Toby muttered as he looked back at his computer. She stared  
at him. Who was this person and where was the Toby Ziegler she knew so well?  
This one was almost... likable. He looked at her. "What now? You need  
something else, O vulnerable one?" He asked sardonically. She rolled her  
eyes. There he was again.  
"No, you've been great." She retorted and moved out of his office. Toby  
paused and thought about the conversation. He *did* say 'as he should be'  
about Danny. What *did* he mean by it? He glanced at the door to see that CJ  
had closed it for him. He smirked gratefully and then looked back to the  
computer screen, then at his desk. He swore he saw a new pile on the desk. He  
stood and looked up at his ceiling for some trace of a hole or a hidden door.  
"I know you're up there." He exclaimed. Then he looked back at his desk  
and collapsed into his chair again.

DATE: October 19th, 2000  
TIME: 5:21pm  
LOCATION: The Same

One thing that comes to be expected of every day at the White house is  
that it's going to be a long day. Doesn't matter what day it is, what you're  
doing that day, whether or not you got enough sleep, whether or not you're  
prepared for the day, it's going to be a long day.  
Danny Concannon knew about this harsh reality, and he could see the look  
in CJ's eyes as she climbed up to the podium. She was having a long, hard  
day, and her eyes reflected it. He knew that much about her, even before  
she'd finally agreed to enter a relationship with him. Today seemed to be  
hitting her harder than normal. Today was the day that the latest handguns  
bill went to the floor. Everyone in the West Wing was on edge, this was true.  
She brushed everyone off to storm down the hallway after the briefing,  
and Danny knew that she wasn't heading for his office. He left the White  
House for about twenty minutes and then returned, moving for her office. He  
knocked on the door and waited patiently for whatever response he might get.  
"What?" Her voice called out. Well, that was a response at least. He  
moved inside as best he could with the bags in his hands. CJ looked up and  
watched in surprise as he closed the door and put the food on her desk.  
"Danny, what are--" She started but he waved her silent. He fished out a  
candle, put it on her desk and lit it and then fished out two paper plates.  
CJ watched him with an amused smirk as he tossed the plastic bags away.  
"Now. I don't want to hear anything work-related. Granted, we are in your  
office, but Gail agrees with me." Danny said with a smirk. Gail bupped her  
agreement. CJ laughed. "First, though, you have to do me one honor, then I  
will proceed to stuff you silly with this wonderful MSG rich Chinese food."  
"What's that?" CJ asked. Danny smirked and pulled out his small stereo.  
He managed to pick it up from his apartment during his short trip. He fumbled  
with the radio switches until a slow-moving song filled the room. Then he  
held out his hand. She smiled and took it. He pulled her into his arms, and  
they began to dance by the candlelight, Gail watching them happily.

> When the visions around you  
>  Bring tears to your eyes  
>  All that surrounds you  
>  Are secrets and lies  
>  I'll be your strength  
>  I'll give you hope  
>  Keeping your faith when it's gone  
>  The one you should call  
>  Was standing here all along

"Danny, have I told you lately how wonderful you are?" CJ whispered as  
she rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. Four months of being  
this close to him, and he never ceased to surprise her on occasion. He smiled  
and held her a bit closer.  
"It struck me as that you were having a bad day." He admitted softly.  
"Isn't it my job to fix that?" CJ chuckled and looked him in the eye.  
"Is it? I'm not even sure." She said softly. He smiled a little wider.  
"It is, CJ, and it's also my pleasure."

> And I will take you in my arms  
>  And hold you right where you belong  
>  Til the day my life is through  
>  This I promise you  
>  This I promise you

Toby was about to knock on CJ's desk when he heard the music streaming  
from inside. He glanced at Carol's desk and found it empty. He then looked  
around the offices around him and saw similar pictures everywhere. Everyone  
had gone home. He turned and looked at the door. He heard CJ laugh and then a  
muffled version of Danny's voice. Toby smiled weakly and backed away from the  
door, turning back towards his own bullpen.  
At least she was happy. At least *they* were.

> I've loved you forever  
>  In lifetimes before  
>  And I promise you never  
>  Will you hurt anymore  
>  I give you my word  
>  I give you my heart  
>  This is a battle we've won  
>  And with this vow  
>  Forever has now begun

"I'd forgotten how it all was supposed to be." CJ admitted. Danny closed  
his eyes, hurt by this admission. CJ was such a wonderful, beautiful person  
that she should never have lived a single moment without feeling the love  
that he felt for her, or the love that anyone felt for her. She deserved so  
much more.  
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "You deserve to be loved every moment of your  
life, CJ. No one should ever have let you forget." He added softly as he  
rested his cheek against hers. CJ just closed her eyes and held him closer.  
"You spoil me, Danny." She said softly.  
"I give you what you deserve. I always have and I always will. That means  
that things won't always be perfect. I mean we've already had our  
disagreements, and there probably will be more, but I'll always be here for  
you, CJ." He whispered as he felt her clutch him slightly.  
"It boggles my mind how you can be so sure of this." She said as she  
looked him in the eye. He looked back and then kissed her gently.  
"I'd rather be sure of this one thing than any other thing in the world.  
Any other collection of things." He said. "Does that make sense?"  
"No, but I love it anyway." CJ said with a smile. He smiled back and then  
felt her rest her head on his shoulder again.

> Just close your eyes  
>  Each loving day  
>  And know this feeling won't go away  
>  Til the day my life is through  
>  This I promise you  
>  This I promise you

Toby stumbled through the hallways, his mind buzzing with thoughts that  
he just wanted to wipe away and throw to the wind. He didn't want to be  
lonely anymore. He didn't want to be alone. As he stepped into his office  
again, he heard a voice talking to him, but he really didn't listen to it.  
"Toby?" Sam asked after realizing that his boss wasn't listening to him.  
"Go away." Toby said softly and looked at the paper he was going to give  
CJ, trying to remember what it was.  
"But what about--" Sam started.  
"I said go away!" Toby snapped, looking at Sam with eyes that were wild  
with all the emotions he had spent years trying to control. Sam stared into  
those eyes and then closed the door.  
"Toby--" Sam started.  
"Why did you do that? I said go away, not close the door and make  
yourself comfortable." Toby said weakly.  
"What's wrong? What happened?" The younger man asked.  
"Nothing you can do about it." Toby muttered. "I'm going home." He added  
as he got to his feet again.  
"Why are you so angry? Hey, let's just go get a drink or something." Sam  
suggested. "We can talk."  
"Sam, not only would I not talk to you, you wouldn't want to hear it."  
Toby retorted harshly.  
"That's my decision." Sam said softly. Toby looked at him and then  
sighed. He put a hand on Sam's shoulder and squeezed him gently.  
"I'm just..." He started. He didn't know what he was doing. He didn't  
know what was eating at him. Wait. Yes. He did. What was eating at him was  
100 yards away in CJ's office, making her laugh. "A drink. Fine." He said,  
nodding slowly as he grabbed his jacket. Sam smiled and moved to get his own.

> Over and over I fall  
>  When I hear you call  
>  Without you in my life, baby  
>  I just wouldn't be living at all

CJ snuggled into Danny's arms and then let him slip a bite of food  
between her lips. Danny kept one arm wrapped around her waist while he used  
the other to feed her happily. They talked and they joked. They laughed and  
they snuggled. They shared an evening that two lovers could share without  
fear from the world. They relaxed fully for perhaps the first time.  
And then the dinner was over. The music stopped. The candle was blown  
out. Danny moved to grab his jacket and then found CJ holding his hand. She  
smiled at him and pulled him into a deep, warm embrace. The embrace deepened  
quickly, and Danny began to wonder what it was that he wanted, and what it  
was that she wanted.  
"Danny, what are you doing tonight?" She asked him softly when they  
finally parted. He paused.  
"What do you mean?" He whispered.  
"I mean, would you like to come home with me?" She asked, not looking him  
in the eye, but instead at the knot of his tie which she fingered playfully.  
He watched her in bewilderment.  
"Would I like to?" He repeated. "I would love to." He whispered. She  
smiled and looked him in the eye before kissing him again.  
"Good." She cooed softly.  
"Vixen." He retorted playfully before receiving another kiss.

> And I will take you in my arms  
>  And hold you right where you belong  
>  Til the day my life is through  
>  This I promise you, baby

Toby stared at his drink as he distantly heard Sam's voice babbling. What  
was he thinking? He could never confess to this kid what was truly going  
through his head. Sam was a good kid, an above average writer, even if he  
didn't know what a comma was used for, but he wasn't a confidante.  
"Toby, are you listening to me?" Sam asked softly. "Cause if you're not,  
then you must be thinking about something. Do you wanna tell me what that  
is?" The young man asked.  
"There's only one person I can talk to." Toby said softly before taking a  
big gulp of his drink. "And... that person is busy right now. No offense,  
Sam. To be honest, I don't even know what I'm doing here."  
"Neither do I. I was shocked when you agreed, to be honest." Sam  
retorted.  
"I guess..." Toby paused. Could he confess to this kid? "I guess I was  
tired of being alone, even if it's just tonight. Things change sometimes, and  
I guess I haven't changed with them."  
"Are you going to now?" Sam asked seriously. Toby looked at his left hand  
and then at his drink.  
"Nope." He said finally.

> Just close your eyes  
>  Each loving day  
>  And know this feeling won't go away  
>  Every word I say is true  
>  This I promise you  
>  Every word I say is true  
>  This I promise you  
>  I promise you

  

DATE: October 20th, 2000  
TIME: 6:59 am  
LOCATION: The West Wing, The White House, Washington, D.C.

CJ walked into the West Wing with what seemed to be an extra bounce in  
her step and a twinkle in her eye. Everyone noticed it and no one had to ask  
why. It was kind of simple that way. As CJ moved through the hallways, she  
stopped by Toby's office door and saw him slouched over his desk, scribbling  
miserably on a piece of paper. Deciding to spread her own joy, she stepped in  
and peered at him. He looked up at her and she saw that the man would have  
preferred she didn't.  
"Hey, Toby. What's wrong?" She asked, trying to be cheerful.  
"That's really not a good mood for you. I'd rather you brooding then  
chipper." Toby muttered and looked back at his paper. She chuckled and sat  
down. He looked at her. "In what language does that mean sit down?"  
"Mine." She replied. "Come on, Toby, talk to me. It's fun to talk."  
"Since when?" He retorted.  
"You've talked to me before." She pointed out.  
"Under exhausted protest." He replied evenly. "Listen, just because your  
life is going so smoothly right now, doesn't mean everyone wants to hear  
about it. To make it clearer, everyone means me, so go away."  
"Toby, you're brooding again. No one likes it when you brood. The entire  
communications bullpen tends to hide behind their desks when you brood." CJ  
exclaimed. "Now what's wrong?"  
"Nothing's wrong! I always brood! Always!" Toby snapped. Then he calmed  
again and looked at his hands. CJ watched him carefully.  
"You're right, you do. I'm sorry for wanting to change that." She said  
softly.  
"I'm happy with the way I live my life, CJ. You shouldn't try to change  
anything." Toby replied just as softly.  
"If you were happy, you wouldn't brood." She retorted.  
"Brooding is just what I do." He assured her.  
"So you sure you're okay?" She asked him. He looked at her and their eyes  
connected. She knew that whatever he was about to say next, it was going to  
be a lie. And she'd have to accept it.  
"I'm fine." He said evenly. She paused. He sighed and looked at his  
hands. "I'm fine. Please, don't waste your worrying on me."  
"I don't consider it a waste, Toby." She assured him. He smiled very  
weakly and nodded.  
"I've just been reevaluating a few things in my life lately, and I guess  
it's got me kind of edgy." He said, finally telling the truth and using it as  
an excuse. She paused and then nodded.  
"Come to anything of use?" She asked playfully. He looked at her, his  
eyes peering at her in a way that made her feel slightly warm.  
"Nope." He said with a smirk. She laughed and got to her feet.  
"Let me know if you do." She requested. He nodded and looked at the  
paper, his pen ready. She glanced at him once more and then headed out the  
door towards her own office.

DATE: Same  
TIME: 4:23pm  
LOCATION: The Same

Danny typed a few keys on his typewriter before glancing nervously at the  
clock. Was five o'clock ever going to come? He was right. Long days were a  
standard when working in the White House. He turned his head again and  
noticed that there was a dark figure leaning against the doorframe. Danny  
turned to look at Toby Ziegler. There was a brief silence in the room, one  
that had been there before, but now it seemed so much more uncomfortable.  
"Yes?" Danny asked finally. "Can I help you with something, Toby?"  
"I'm not very good with speaking about things I care about, Concannon,  
but I'm here to talk to you, off the record, because there is something that  
I care about a great deal that concerns you." Toby said softly. Danny knew  
what he was talking about and gave the other man his full attention.  
"You want to talk about CJ?" He asked softly. "I was wondering when I'd  
get a visit from you, or someone on the staff."  
"This isn't about the staff. I'm sure you'll get that talk later on, from  
someone else. This is about if you hurt her, you'd better start hiding." Toby  
replied. "CJ is my friend, perhaps the only friend I've got that I truly care  
about, and if this relationship of yours goes wrong, you will suffer for it.  
I'm glad that you're making her happy. Someone needs to." He paused. Danny  
was watching Toby in amazement, waiting for the next room. "So just remember  
that, okay?"  
"Toby." Danny said suddenly. "Does she know that you--"  
"She doesn't know I talked to you and she's not going to know." Toby  
replied.  
"She might be happy to know how much you care." Danny said softly.  
"She's better off not knowing." Toby replied finally.  
"Why do you say that?" Danny asked. Toby paused.  
"Danny, ours is not the reason why. It's simply to be left alone." He  
replied and then walked away. Danny watched him go and then looked at the  
clock. 4:30. Close enough. He closed his laptop, packed it up and carried it  
towards CJ's office so that he could take her out to dinner. On the way,  
Toby's words resonated in his head. When he arrived, CJ saw the pensiveness  
in his face.  
"Hey, you. You okay?" She asked playfully. He looked at her and smiled.  
"Yeah, I'm fine." He said, coming to a decision.  
"You're a half hour early." She said, glancing at her watch. He shrugged.  
"I couldn't stand it any longer." He said softly as he closed the door.  
She smiled at him and shook her head. He sat on her couch and watched her for  
a few moments. She looked at him with an eyebrow raised.  
"Why are you watching me, Danny?" She asked. He grinned.  
"Ours is not the reason why, CJ." He replied smoothly. "Except to say  
you're beautiful." He added in a soft voice. She smiled at him and shook her  
head, looking back to her paper and trying to concentrate. But she couldn't  
and soon she gave up on it. They left together, as they had done several  
times in the past few months, and no one said a word.  
Down the hall, Toby stared at the wall as he waited for thoughts to come  
to his head about the speech he was writing. He glanced at the ring on his  
left finger and then at the clock. He didn't want to go home. Home was empty,  
cold, without life. He knew that somewhere out there, Andy was talking to her  
Oriole. Somewhere out there, CJ and Danny were laughing together.  
Why was *he* alone then? Toby pondered the question and then smiled. His  
own words came back to haunt him.  
Ours is not the reason why.  
With that thought, Toby leaned forward and began to scribble notes on his  
legal pad, all thoughts of anything but the speech fleeing from his head.

THE END

  

  


End file.
